This time of year accentuates the feelings already bubbling in my heart... Graduation... May 10th has come and gone...not only did that day mark Sarah's 26th birthday, but it marked 19 months since Tom's "ultimate" graduation. From diagnosis to ultimate healing Tom was given 19 months to breath earthly air and we were blessed to have been able to share that air with him. From Tom's last breath of earthly air until Sarah's 26th birthday I have had breath, but it has come with difficulty...like COPD, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. I gasp at how time marches on...I want to hold my breath thinking that somehow by holding my breath time will slow down...slow down so I can better remember, breath easier.
As I focus on the accomplishments of those who graduate this year, I especially think of
Matthew...
What an incredible four years of college he experienced...and HE DID IT!! He entered college his freshman year with a healthy dad encouraged and excited about all that college was going to bring for Matt. It was just six months into Matt's college experience that his 'healthy' dad was grasping for life after being diagnosed with brain cancer. After battling many surgeries, rehabilitation, chemotherapy, and radiation Tom was able to join us as we moved Matt back onto campus for his sophomore year...Tom found his spot on a sofa while Matt, friends and I unloaded the car. It wasn't even two months into Matt's sophomore year Tom had another seizure...the tumor was back and surgery left Tom paralyzed on his right side. More rehab...a wheelchair...and a determined spirit to "never give up" saw us through Matt's basketball season. Being in a wheelchair was not conducive to moving Matt back onto campus his junior year...Matt made that move without dad and mom. Less than two months into Matt's junior year his dad had his ultimate graduation. Starting that basketball season was more than difficult for Matt and the rest of our family. Matt persevered. Not only was Matt diligent in the classroom, but on the court as well. Matt moved himself into his dorm his senior year with a very fragile mom at his side. He did it...we did it...I know Tom is proud of the man he raised. As I put words onto paper for Matt's graduation gift, I recalled what I thought Tom would want to say...here is some of what I wrote:
“I press on toward the goal to
win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:14
Matt…don’t reject passivity – be bold in
your faith.As you feel God has called
you into the public school system He will give you many opportunities to either
be bold for Him or to be passive in fear.I challenge you to take hold of the gospel with all power and go forth
in boldness!
Matt…accept responsibility – never blame
others for what is your responsibility.Pride is an ugly thing that steals our joy and robs us of taking
ownership of what God has asked of us.Be a man, own up! Matt…lead courageously – God has and will
continue to give you opportunities to lead.Whether it’s in the classroom, on the court, on the field, or in your
home, you need to be bold in your Christlikeness and lead as the Lord commands
you.Always keeping God’s Word as
authority and leading as Christ lead (& your dad) with a servants heart and
hand. Matt…expect the greater reward – just as your dad has received his great
reward, know that this life is just a gateway to our greater reward.Living with purpose and an eternal
perspective will give you the advantage.Never loose sight of heaven, I call it “cross-eyed vision”…seeing
people, things and situations through the eyes of Christ and His work on the Cross…there is hope for
everyone! Many of you have been faithful prayer warriors on Matt's behalf...I can't thank you enough. I will bring this blog to a close for now... I may pick it back up as we celebrate the highs and choose joy through the lows... Sitting down to write has become more of a burden than blessing... I guess that means it's time to move on... I will leave you with some pictures of recent highlights:
"I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever; To all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth."
Psalm 89:1
March 6th marked one year since my mastectomy. March 10th marks three years since my world was turned upside down...Tom was diagnosed with brain cancer. The last three years have been rough..
God is FAITHFUL...
He sees me through the lonely days, however the past month has been full of fun activities & announcements!
Pottery Painting
Becky, Marti, Cindy & Me
"God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."
I Corinthians 1:9
God is FAITHFUL...
He has blessed me with such sweet friends...I am thankful!
A change of plan...due to ice storm in Atlanta our flight was changed...instead of flying into Ft. Myers we headed to Orlando...Surprise for Pops & Granny!
"For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes.”
Jeremiah 31:25
God is FAITHFUL...
God blessed me, through Carylee, with a wonderful Florida vacation!
Melanie (Carylee's sister), Me & Carylee
"Therefore there was born even of one man, and him as good as dead at that,as many descendants as the stars of heaven in number, and innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore."
Hebrews 11:12
God is FAITHFUL...
Ice Cream ~ Pancakes ~ Coffee
Treats
God is FAITHFUL...
He gave me the strength (& many friends to help) to decorate for another wedding!
Carylee, Kelly, Lisa, Alana, Beckie, Lori & Me
Thanks girls!
God is FAITHFUL...
He sustained me through Matt's final MVNU Basketball Game and Senior tribute!
Post-game interview with the three seniors...
Caleb ~ Matt ~ Garrison
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith;"
II Timothy 4:7
God is FAITHFUL...
Weekend Getaway - Bryan College - Baseball - Engagement
Where Tom & my love story began...
Morgan, Carylee, Margaret, Me & Liz
She said YES! Ike & Chelsea are ENGAGED!!
"Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease."
Jeremiah 29:6
God is FAITHFUL...
A weekend in Greenville, SC for Rachael & Nathan's Wedding!
Lisa, Pops & Sarah ~ Brothers ~ Y.T. & Patsy
(missing one)
An amazing Sunday in downtown Greenville...post wedding relaxing!
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,
and the wife must respect her husband."
Ephesians 5:33
...missing my husband...
God is FAITHFUL...
I saved the BEST news for last...
Sarah & Zac are blessing me with my first grandchild!
September 2014
"Grandchildren are the crown of old men, (& women) And the glory of sons is their fathers."
Proverbs 17:6
I can't explain how excited I am...
the excitement is mixed with the thoughts of "I sure wish Tom could experience this..."
Today marks one year since my last chemotherapy infusion! I praise the Lord for this last year, even though it has been an extremely hard year...it's been another year granted to me to enjoy family, friends and His grace.
For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God.
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself up for me.I do not nullify the grace of God,
for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.”
Galatians 2:19-21
None of us know the "number of our days". I seem to live in the balance of being fully aware of my mortality and yet living with full abandon. It's a hard place...dealing with the 'what if's' and yet tossing aside my fears and really living, wholeheartedly. I think so often of Tom, not quite experiencing fifty earth years and wondering if my earth years will turn into heavenly years before the dreaded five-oh...only God knows the number of my days...and for that I'm thankful. He allows us to choose how we live these days...with Him or without Him. I'm choosing "with Him"...I'm all in, ready for His lead, His way, His glory. Tom set an unprecedented example of how to be "all in" and with such an amazing attitude. He was so ready for God's plan to be unfolded in his life...no matter what the plan was! I'm thankful I got a front row seat to watch, listen, and anticipate with Tom his journey to Jesus.
You’re going to have to get it:
Death may be certain, but when it comes is uncertain,
which is what makes the living gloriously uncertain — a choice.
-Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience
These past few weeks (months) have been the coldest and snowiest that I can remember. It's caused some "cabin fever" for me. I never minded "cabin fever" when Tom and the kids could enjoy the cabin with me. Sarah reminded me the other day how special it was to have her dad be an educator and get to experience "snow days" with our family. Lately, many schools (& universities) have had their fair share of "snow/cold days". Locally, just this week, they had three days off!! As I huddle up in the comforts of my little cabin...I reminisce of snow days...time with family, sledding, roasting marshmallows in the fireplace, hot cocoa, and old family videos to watch! Good memories, great family...I'm thankful for the memories of "snow days'. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say that the huddling up in my place, alone, isn't painful. I've spent too much time wallowing in the "woe is me" and not "WOW is the Lord"! Loneliness is engulfing and I thank the Lord for His presence in my time alone, however it is a choice for me where to place my thoughts.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:18
God is so good to have blessed me (for 27 years) with the most amazing man, I was privileged to be his helpmate. I can't forget God saying "it's not good for the man to be alone", but is it good for the woman to be alone? No, I have a Helper...
"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper,
that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth,
whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him,
but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you."
John 14:16-17
Tonight I'm going to celebrate because:
Everyone knows they will die. They just don’t know when.
So forget about the when. Who cares when you die.
The real question is: when will you start to live?
Why is it that we tend to remember the bad times better than the good times? I've heard that the more we feel an experience, the better we remember it! If that's the case...I'll never forget this Christmas. As my last post stated I had a "simple" out-patient procedure to internally blast an overly large kidney stone on the Friday before Christmas. Two, or maybe three, days of discomfort, pass the stone fragments and life moves on...not for me! After three days of increasing pain, calls to the doctor, drinking fluid non-stop, I woke up Christmas morning feverish. My parents loaded me up and delivered me to OSU Medical Center where I eventually was diagnosed with urosepsis from blockage between bladder and kidney...after an emergency surgery to place a stent, heavy antibiotics and two nights in the hospital, I came home. It's been a very, LONG two and a half weeks. Finally, today I am seeing some light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Today the stent was removed, relief!
I realize I am not a nice person when I'm in pain.
I realize I said some mean things to people I will probably never see again.
I realize I'm a pampered, spoiled American who expects things (comfort)...
and when I don't get them I pout, scream & kick (& talk "ugly" too)!
Lord, forgive me...
"But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.
With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men,
who have been made in the likeness of God;
from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.
My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.
Does a fountain send out from the same opening bothfresh and bitter water?"
James 3:8-11
I realize I am broken. I am bitter.
I realize I need a Savior.
EVERY BREATH
EVERY SECOND
Until He calls me home.
I have found myself on several occasions blaming 'not having a husband to temper me' as why I'm the way I am or why I said something I shouldn't have. I could not have made it through the past two weeks without my parents being here...serving, loving and just being here physically to encourage when I felt so discouraged!
Recently while reading a chapter in "Let Me Grieve but not Forever", God grabbed my heart...
"Was there meaning in my life solely because of Tom?
Or was my life with Tom a wonderful bonus to the
meaning in my life because of God? So does meaning
for me now become impossible because there is no Tom?
Or can there be renewed meaning because there is a God?
I have lost Tom - I haven't lost God. One was a gift in time;
the other a gift for eternity."
-Verdell Davis
(changed name from Creath to Tom)
Another inspiring blog I'm following: Undiminished Me
I am not content though, to go through this process of grieving Tom's loss via the path of least resistance. If there is something good to be got from it, by Golly, I want to get it. The pain is too much to come out with bitterness, disillusionment, cynicism, or mere apathy. Those are what I think I will end up with if I don’t actively fight my way through this thing. Or as C.S. Lewis so aptly put it, “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
I will get there in time. I will resist the urge to lie on the couch in the fetal position watching re-runs of “HGTV” 24/7 while eating a case of Twizzlers and sulking in sadness. Instead, I will talk to Him more about my little case of denial. I will stay in fellowship with the saints and allow them to minister truth to me. I will worship and praise Him and study his Word harder than ever. I will cherish the memories I have and, someday, I will praise Him for the demise of one very fine young man with my head and heart.
I will grow—grow to more like Christ and not be diminished. (Ok, I changed a few words to make her statements mine...is that legal?)
While recently shopping at the local supermarket, I was stopped by a lady who asked:
"Are you Lisa Anglea?"
Ugh...yes, I am...
This dear lady, I'd never met before, recognized me from this blog! Her son is a senior at WCHS. Tom had the privilege of interviewing this family just prior to his diagnosis.
We enjoyed a lengthy conversation in the cheese aisle!
I'm lifting you up, Pam...trusting God to hold you tight just as He is me!
"The Lordis near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18
Rocks in my Stocking
I write this next "highlight" with much embarrassment...
Over Thanksgiving I was experiencing much pain, a familiar pain...I have a kidney stone.
I've had a kidney stone before and know that feeling.
After two weeks of persistent pain I finally called the doctor and a CT scan was performed.
The doctor called with the inevitable news:
"You have kidney stones"
I was waiting to hear:
"You have a kidney stone"
Leave it to me...not one, not two, but three!
Two in my left kidney and one in the right...not passable!
After meeting with an urologist...surgery is scheduled for Friday.
An outpatient procedure: ureteroscopy with laser lithotripsy.
Thank you to Stephanie LaMonte for making the day of appointments (in the snow storm) much more enjoyable than going alone!
2014 can only get better...right?!
Condo Living
I'm not sure it can get any quieter than living alone...
better to hear God speak!
The floors are solid, no basement...
Did I mention how quiet it is here?
My "son-in-love" recently visited and said it's like an old persons home...
my place heats up so quickly & I love that!
(I guess old people's homes are warm!)
I like cozy...flip a switch and I have a fire...it doesn't get much easier than that...
I watched Tom labor over chopping, splitting, stacking & hauling firewood for years!
We both loved a roaring fire...my gas logs don't "roar", but I know Tom smiles down on me as I pull my chair up and block all the heat (no one to block)! He used to call me HB (aka: heat blocker)!
There are so many aspects of living alone that make Tom's absence more profound...
Keeping my car clean in this salty, snowy winter...
Keeping gas in my car, pumping gas is COLD...
Dropping me off at the door to wherever we were going...
he was the ultimate "southern gentleman"...
always getting my door for me...
I now park, walk & reminisce of "the good old days"...
What a nice, big garage I have...
I'm so thankful I don't have to leave my car out to have to scrape when ice and snow comes!
Something Tom always did was take out the trash...
I'm thankful I can do it...when I remember! He had such a keen memory of trash day!
Living Christmas Trees
(aka: LCT, or as Tom would say LTC!)
I had the privilege of joining the Meyers family for this years Pageant last night.
I think it was one of my favorites, but I think I say that every year!
Here is my favorite song from this year:
"This Blood"
The highlight was seeing Eli (Dwayne Smith) dance in "heaven" at the end of the show!
I cried like a baby thinking of Tom dancing...full, whole and perfect before his heavenly Father!
It's an incredible feeling...the hope of heaven...my heart is full!
My prayer is that when God calls me to my real home in heaven,
that I will see YOU there one day too!
Giving, Not Getting
This year my extended family "adopted" two less fortunate families for Christmas.
Instead of buying for each other we bought for them!
What fun it was to see all the goodies gathered...
an anonymous gift of love sure to bring joy!
Sarah & Aubrey wrap the gifts!
Praying your Christmas celebration is celebrating CHRIST!
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold,
I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people;
for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior,
A healthy 7 lb. 4 oz. baby boy joins big brother, Declan
Holden David Magee
And again, “I will put My trust in Him.”
And again, “Behold, I and the children whom God has given Me.”
Hebrews 2:13
This Thanksgiving it will be an honor to travel with Matthew and my parents to Michigan to visit the Magee family and meet Holden!
"The Move"
I am safely and comfortably settled into my new condo thanks to the help of so many! My parents top the list and win the award for "getting 'er done"! I am so blessed to have them here at this time to offer such help. Not only were they instrumental in helping with the last minute packing, loading, cleaning, unpacking and PAINTING! They just finished painting the exterior of their home in Florida and now have contributed to painting two bedrooms and two bathrooms at my home AND the family room, office, bedroom and bathroom at Zac and Sarah's also! They are ready to retire their paintbrushes for awhile! I want to "shout out" to Zac, Sarah, Terry, Kelly, Nathan, Doug, Carylee, & Ginny too for their help, encouragement, food and love toward me in this BIG change. I told my mom, "I feel like I'm house-sitting with my furniture!". So far I am feeling quite settled and have enjoyed the decorating process, however if I stop long enough to think too much about it I can feel very sad. I continue to choose to be thankful: beautiful home, family, friends, a new job, feeling well and my salvation. What an awesome Thanksgiving service we had today! I was so moved by the worship songs and challenge given to reach out to those who do not share in the hope of heaven that I have...YES, I am blessed and thankful.
Thank You, Lori Miller...
A house-warming Gerber daisy and my first Christmas ornament for my new home...
a perfect reminder to...PRAISE HIM!
Some Sneak Peaks of my Condo...
I was told not to put my new address on this blog sight, so...
Either email me or Facebook message me if you want my new address!
Noah & Brady Dotson
What a fun "Sister Date" I had traveling to Greenwich, Ohio to see another amazing theater production by SCHS. What a great job my cousin's boys did in
"Fiddler on the Roof".
I'm always thrilled to be able to go and I've never been disappointed!
"O give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting."
