Chemo Complete!

I am so thankful to be through with this phase of treatment!  So far, I'm doing really well, better than any of the previous three treatments!  Can I be so bold to ask you to pray for God's wisdom over the next days for decisions that need to be made as to the course I go from here?  Tomorrow I meet with an oncology radiologist to go over my 1989 radiation chart to see if there is any room for more radiation on my body.  Please pray that God would make it very clear as to whether I am a candidate for more radiation.  Following that appointment I will be meeting with a plastic surgeon regarding the options I have post-mastectomy.  I am so thankful for the people whom God has placed in my life to give me great counsel and encouragement down this path that seems so ominous.  Thank  you to Suzanne Homoelle, Ruth Beschta, Gayla Coldren and Karen Rugg-Klapheke who have walked the road of breast cancer with such grace and have been so willing to share and advise me in the immense decision making process.
I don't want to be "doom and gloom", but the days/nights have been hard.  I do want you to know that God continues to sprinkle His rays of sunshine on my gloomy days and I stop and say, "thanks".  Meals come, friends/family surround, prayers are heard, notes of encouragement come, handy-man repairs done, anonymous gifts arrive and sitting down to dinner after Matt's basketball game at a Mt. Vernon "hot-spot" a gift card comes to our table!  God is good, God is good all the time, God is good even if the meals, family, friends, prayers, notes, and gifts didn't come, but He has a way of continuing to lift me and encourage me as only He can do.
Satan's attacks come mostly at night for me.  I don't think the steroids help!  Laying awake, crying and wanting Tom's touch to soften the pain is almost unbearable.  My mind turns to scripture to ease the engulfing loneliness and God meets me.  It is a battle of my mind...choosing where to go with my thoughts.  Today as I looked at a picture...

(Tom's touch on my shoulder)

I longed for his touch of comfort as I walk (seemingly) alone on this journey.  I so desire and miss his incredible wisdom in decision making and long for his input as I struggle with life-impacting decisions.  I then found this picture...

(sorry for the size, but it's my hand on Tom's shoulder)

 The power of touch.  As I sat in church Sunday (crying my way through tender words in song) Ginny leans over and wraps her arm around me...she'll never know the impact that had.

"What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes,

what we have looked at and touched with our hands,

concerning the Word of Life— and the life was manifested,

and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life,

which was with the Father and was manifested to us—

what we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also,

so that you too may have fellowship with us;

and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ."

I John 1:1-3

My life has been such a focus of "wife" over the past couple of years caring for Tom in such amazing ways that I started to lose sight of the "mom" I am to three amazing children.  My focus became skewed in looking at what I've lost in Tom and being a wife that I'm embarrassed to say that I wanted to "give up" in a way, not fight as hard, let the kids move on without the hurt of sick parents...then I read this:
"So God made a mother.
It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does.
Somebody who knew that patience is a willingness to suffer.
That joy is always possible because there is always, always something to be thankful for.
And that life is not an emergency but a gift — so just. slow. down.
Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters is what we then do after.
Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins."

-Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

I'm fighting, I'm willing to suffer, I've slowed down (I stayed in bed until 11:00 a.m. today!), I'm laying down my life, picking up my cross because of Jesus, Sarah, Zac & Matt...I love you!

Surprise Gift of Goodies for my last Chemo Treatment

Thank You, Jennifer Deskins!

Thursdays Dinner

Tortellini Soup, Tortilla Wraps, Fresh Fruit and

Valentine Heart Cookies!

Thank You, Beth Beatty!

I can honestly say I had no clue who was playing in the Superbowl this year until the day before the big game!  Without a husband to keep me informed I was "out of the loop"!  I am so thankful that Zac and Sarah could host their Grace Group Superbowl party here at the house while I made my way to Carylee's for our own Superbowl "party".  What friendship we share and the Superbowl had nothing to do with our enjoying our evening talking about Tom, weddings, quilts and memories...priceless.  Thank you, Carylee for hosting me along with all of Jess' friends for a Superbowl to remember...the first without Tom.

 

I will fill you in on my upcoming schedule (subject to change) since I'm not sure when I will get back to blogging this information.
Thursday, February 7th, 12:15 p.m. appointment with Oncologist (follow-up)
Thursday, February 14th, 10:00 a.m. appointment for pre-op testing & physical
Monday, February 18th, 8:05 a.m. fly to Ft. Myers, FL for 2 week visit with Mom & Dad
(Ginny Englehart is joining me for the 1st week & Carylee Meyers is my 2nd week companion!)
Tuesday, March 5, 8:30 p.m. fly home to Columbus with Carylee & Mom, coming for 2 weeks to care for me post-op!
Wednesday, March 6...mastectomy tentatively scheduled
Tomorrows appointment with the plastic surgeon will hopefully nail down the surgery date.