Florida

Monday, February 18, 2013 couldn't have come soon enough...getting on an airplane to head south for a couple of weeks to visit my parents and share time with two very special friends was so anticipated and now it has come & gone too quickly!

Ginny & I arrive safely in Florida!

"Now on the first day you shall take for yourselves the foliage of beautiful trees,

palm branches and boughs of leafy trees and willows of the brook,

and you shall rejoice before the Lord your God for seven days."

Leviticus 23:40

Some of my mom's welcoming hospitality!

Beautiful weather to bike with Mom & Dad!

When the days are like this...

And evenings like this in February...can I ask, "Why do I live in Ohio?"

Ginny & I enjoying a Florida sunset at the Jetty

Look who we ran into at my parent's Sunday school class' chili dinner...

Ginny, Linda Heiman & I reconnect!

Linda was the WCS elementary school secretary while our children were there.

Enjoying a pizza luncheon with Tom's parents in Brandon, Florida

My first ever motorcycle ride, on a HARLEY!

Thank you, Bob Branham...what a fun drive up Casey Key at night...spectacular!

Enjoying shopping in downtown Venice!

More shopping...more dolphins, turtles and fun for all!

Who's the gal in short, beach blonde hair???

Thank You, Wyatt & Mary Brown for having us over for a delicious spaghetti dinner...

& a rousing game of "Hand & Foot"...

Brown's vs Kline's

(Ginny's maiden name is Brown!)

Saying "good bye" to Ginny & "hello" to Carylee

A pajama/pizza party with my parent's awesome, wild & crazy friends...

(back row: Mary, Jane, Barbie, Rochelle & Marcie)

(front row: Barb (mom), Cindy, Carylee & Me)

The "boys"

(back row: Bob, Bob, Dale, Bob, Lowell (dad) & Wyatt)

(kneeling: Jeff)

I can't tell you what this group of people means to me.  What amazing support they have been to my parents through all the trials of these past two years.  Not only do they worship together, encourage one another, pray together, sing together, play cards together, fellowship together & laugh together, they welcomed me and my friends as family.  After Sunday worship we all went to brunch together.  After brunch the ladies surrounded me in a huddle and prayed over me one by one...God bolstered me through these sweet ladies for the road ahead and have faithfully throughout this journey!  Thank you sweet friends!

Venice Arts Fair with Carylee

Biking fun...even though it was a little chilly!

Always a good day for Nokomis Grove Ice Cream!

More shopping fun...

One of my highlights from this special trip was seeing each of my dear friends in my wig!

Priceless!

Thank you Dad, Mom, Ginny & Carylee for making these two weeks most memorable.  I love you all dearly and treasure each and every minute God allows us to have together.

"Guard, through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us,

the treasure which has been entrusted to you."

2 Timothy 1:14

Catching Up on February

Valentine's Day was not a day I was looking forward to.  Remember just a short year ago Tom & I had a private, romantic dinner for two in our home?

Valentine's Day 2012

Oh, do I miss him!

Zac and Sarah surprised me, along with my sweet friend, Margaret, by taking us to a local Italian restaurant for dinner and then back to the house for dessert and games!  What a fun night of fellowship and laughter that took my mind off of what "could have been".

Sweet Margaret & Me

Super Special Sarah & Zac

Our Valentine Dessert

Rice Krispie Treats from Margaret!

Thank You for ALL the Valentine Greetings!

Thank You!

Valentine's Day was on Thursday and I had gone in for some pre-op testing and a physical.  While meeting with the doctor there was some concern on my EKG that made her schedule me for an echocardiogram on Friday.  It was late Friday afternoon when the nurse practioner called me and said that I had a blod clot in my port near to my heart!  Because I was leaving for Florida that Monday the only option they could give me was Lovonox shots, twice a day in my belly!  If it meant going to Florida, I would do whatever they said!  I headed down to The OSU Medical Center right away to be instructed on how to administer the shot and to also pick up a 30 day supply.  Because this is considered a "specialty" drug my insurance would not pay for it up front so I needed to pay the $2,400.00 dollars and then insurance would reimburse me!  I walked out of the hospital with a small grocery sack that cost $2,400.00!!  I have become quite good at administering these shots, I did have practice with Tom and I do admit it's easier to stick yourself than someone else...at least that is the case with me!

Lovely Lovonox

"A joyful heart is good medicine."

Proverbs 17:22

Surgery Behind/Recovery Ahead

Thank you, Di Coughlin for this amazing reminder of Spring!
"I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me."

Psalm 3:5

One day sitting on the beach...the next laying on the operating table!  It never ceases to amaze me how God continues to shower down His blessings on me.  After arriving back into Columbus on a snowy, stormy night (10:57pm) the airport closed around midnight, getting me back in the nick of time for a 5:30am arrival for surgery the next morning!

Surgery is over, healing has begun and I'm realizing it's tougher than I expected.  I came out of surgery with three drains instead of the two they expected.  I had my one week follow-up appointments with the surgeon and plastic surgeon on Tuesday.  I am thankful they were able to remove one drain and they said from an outward appearance all looks well.  It's the pathology report that wasn't so good.  The margins from the tumor site were not as broad as they had hoped and 5 of 11 lymph nodes tested positive...not so good.  Of course I was sad...I think I'm still sad...trying to take it all in.  They would like me to go ahead with the radiation treatment, starting in 2-3 weeks.  I will go back 3/19 and hopefully get another drain out, if not both.  I take it all one day at a time, trusting HIM to see me through each day...that's what He does...giving me only what I can handle.

"And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,

for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore,

I will rather boast about my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

I Corinthians 12:9

Can I be totally frank?  I'm feeling pretty weak...how much power do I need?  I really enjoyed blogging when I did it for Tom, but now that it's all about me...it has become a chore.  I've needed to post for a long time and now I'm so far behind...it feels like work rather than a blessing.

I've come to realize that when I'm down physically, the mental isn't far behind.  When I feel good, my mental health is better too.  I think I just want to live on vacation ALL the time...life isn't a vacation and God has called me to live this one life well...I'm trying, but I'm wearing thin.

Thank you, Rebekah Coblentz for this burst of sunshine!



"And working together with Him,

we also urge you not to receive the grace of God in vain—for He says,

“At the acceptable time I listened to you,
And on the day of salvation I helped you.”

Behold, now is “the acceptable time,” behold,

now is “the day of salvation”— giving no cause for offense in anything,

so that the ministry will not be discredited,

but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God,

in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses,

in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness,

in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit,

in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God;

by the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left,

by glory and dishonor, by evil report and good report;

regarded as deceivers and yet true; as unknown yet well-known,

as dying yet behold, we live; as punished yet not put to death,

as sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich,

as having nothing yet possessing all things."

II Corinthians 6:1-10

Thank you, Tim & Julie for another gorgeous bouquet AND a HoneyBaked Ham!!

Thank you for all the meals that have come:

Ingrid Morris - Beef Burgundy

Nancy Green - Chicken Gumbo

Jill Coon - Ham, Squash & Stuffed Mushrooms

Ginny Englehart - Chicken Alfredo

Karen White - Pot Roast

Gifts continue:

Thank You, Jill

Thank You, Karen

Thank You, Aubrey

Thank You, Judy

Thank You, Julie

Thank You, Mary

Thank You, Mom

Thank You, Ginny

 

"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul will make its boast in the Lord;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
O magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."

Psalm 34:1-3

Florida Update

Please forgive me for not updating sooner...I have so much to share (going clear back to Valentines Day!)...however my blogging situation here is not as easy as at home.
We fly back to Ohio tomorrow (Tuesday 3/5)...it is with much sadness that I fly back to reality...surgery!
My time here has been incredible...
-parents
-friends
-sunshine
I will fill you all in with pictures and more on the other side of my surgery! Thank you for your continued prayers...

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, All you who hope in the Lord."

Psalm 31:24

Work of Words

"To see it on the calendar, this week appears all innocence and grace.

Seven days lined up in a row, neatly strung together by mornings and evenings,

full of expectation and promise."

-Hannah, "Sometimes A Light" blogger

To be totally honest...I didn't see the week as 'innocence and grace', but I loved how she put the week into an eloquent work of words.  I haven't had a lot of 'expectation and promise' and that's my fault.  Remember just a few blogs ago I wrote about vision...how quickly my vision is skewed, I forget that expectation and promise are WHO I am looking to and not what's written, or not written, on my calendar.  Hannah went on to blog:

"Little did I realize that it was a malevolent beast waiting to pounce and wreak havoc on my simple, easy life."

Julie Mitchell, RN...she was Tom's nurse, now mine!

Yep, a malevolent beast pounced on me last Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday and wreaked havoc on my crazy, complex week...not only affecting (or is it effecting) me...but many others like Sarah, Zac and Julie Mitchell, RN extraordinaire.  To make a long, dramatic story short, I ended up in the ER at OSU!  I was dehydrated and they wouldn't let me leave after two liters of IV fluid...I had to wait for four!  My blood pressure dropped to 80/40 and I tried to explain to them that I was on HIGH blood pressure medication since Tom's "graduation" just 4 short, but very long, months ago!  I couldn't believe they were "holding" me there until my blood pressure went up!  I can't sing the praises of Zac, Sarah and Julie enough, for their quick responses, over-and-above-attention and just being there for me in my time of need.  (Thankful I wasn't home alone at the time)

Florida with Kent & Suzanne Homoelle

As I mentioned, yesterday marked Tom's 4th month of "real life" and I continue to struggle.  As Suzanne Homoelle and I sat down to dinner at Panera last night, I looked at my watch at 6:30 and vividly remembered watching Tom take his last earthly breath, exactly four months ago to the minute.  A memory never to be forgotten.  I am so thankful for friends and family who continue to walk this journey of pain with me and help me through this process.  I've never walked a path like this and the "terrain" is rough.  Thank you for bearing with me through the tears and ramblings of a broken heart....I love you, Suzanne!

Mike, Cheryl, Lisa & Tom in Florida

There continue to be rays of God's sunshine on my journey...one being a VICTORY for the MVNU Cougars last Saturday against Marian University!  What fun it was to celebrate with Matt and to have Mike, Cheryl, Braden and Morgan join us at our Mt. Vernon "hot spot" to enjoy fellowship together after the game.  Mike and Cheryl continue to put their shoulders down for me to cry and lean on, time after time.  Already both of them have committed to be here for me that first week of March when I have surgery.  I love my family!

Our Last Florida Trip

As I think of the quote above, "expectation and promise", that is what awaits me on Monday, February 18th as I head south to Florida!  I can hardly contain myself thinking about the "get-away" opportunity I have.  But I must be straightforward, I've already cried my way through breakfast and even as I type, thinking of going to Florida without Tom is almost unbearable.  The majority of Florida memories are with Tom...I didn't realize making new memories would be so hard.  Tom and I always said, "the anticipation of a get-away is half the fun"...bittersweet anticipation.

Lisa, Tom, Kelly & Terry - Nokomis Grove, Florida

Many of you are wondering how my doctor's appointments went last Tuesday...well, long! I am SO thankful for my sister going with me. Not only has she been there all through Tom's illness, she now has been with me every step of my journey.  Her strength, wisdom, love and guidance have been a God-send.  I am so proud when doctor's come in to meet me and I can introduce them to Kelly!  She listens with ears of retention and can ask smart questions.  I can't thank God enough for blessing me with a sister...Thanks, Kel...Love you.  So the appointments...confusing, yet enlightening.  The radiologist wants to keep my "options" open to possible radiation (post-surgery) once we get the pathology report back (about a week after surgery) so I'm not making any major reconstruction decisions until then.  The risks are high for me with radiation, so we wait and see.  The plastic surgeon was great...I really liked him.  He made everything very clear and we came up with a surgery plan.  Instead of a double mastectomy I will just be having a single.  There are many reasons why I have changed my mind (I am a woman so I have that prerogative, right?!)  Basically I am cutting my risks in half!  Many more decisions will have to be made once the pathology report comes back.  So, the biggest need is for clarity from that report...pray!  This "next phase" will take about six months...healing, possible reconstruction, healing, etc.  Surgery is confirmed (no time yet) for March 6th, with hopefully just an overnight in the hospital.  I am thankful that my mom will be here to help me through the home recovery stage.

"My eyes fail with longing for Your salvation
And for Your righteous word."

Psalm 119:123

Thank You, Jill Petrel for dinner Tuesday evening after a long day of doctor appointments!

Baked Chicken, Rice, Green Beans, Bread &

Berry Pie!

This week brought an array of cards/gifts in the mail...

Thank You to Patti Sweigard for the Valentine cookie!

Thank You to Dave & Linda Scott for the generous Panera gift card & note of encouragement!

It's tax season...I need HELP!

Help arrived, just like last year, through Sarah Fudge!

Thank You, Sarah for helping, loving & caring...not just in preparing our taxes,

BUT for praying with and for me!

 

"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul will make its boast in the Lord;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
O magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."

Psalm 34:1-3

Chemo Complete!

I am so thankful to be through with this phase of treatment!  So far, I'm doing really well, better than any of the previous three treatments!  Can I be so bold to ask you to pray for God's wisdom over the next days for decisions that need to be made as to the course I go from here?  Tomorrow I meet with an oncology radiologist to go over my 1989 radiation chart to see if there is any room for more radiation on my body.  Please pray that God would make it very clear as to whether I am a candidate for more radiation.  Following that appointment I will be meeting with a plastic surgeon regarding the options I have post-mastectomy.  I am so thankful for the people whom God has placed in my life to give me great counsel and encouragement down this path that seems so ominous.  Thank  you to Suzanne Homoelle, Ruth Beschta, Gayla Coldren and Karen Rugg-Klapheke who have walked the road of breast cancer with such grace and have been so willing to share and advise me in the immense decision making process.
I don't want to be "doom and gloom", but the days/nights have been hard.  I do want you to know that God continues to sprinkle His rays of sunshine on my gloomy days and I stop and say, "thanks".  Meals come, friends/family surround, prayers are heard, notes of encouragement come, handy-man repairs done, anonymous gifts arrive and sitting down to dinner after Matt's basketball game at a Mt. Vernon "hot-spot" a gift card comes to our table!  God is good, God is good all the time, God is good even if the meals, family, friends, prayers, notes, and gifts didn't come, but He has a way of continuing to lift me and encourage me as only He can do.
Satan's attacks come mostly at night for me.  I don't think the steroids help!  Laying awake, crying and wanting Tom's touch to soften the pain is almost unbearable.  My mind turns to scripture to ease the engulfing loneliness and God meets me.  It is a battle of my mind...choosing where to go with my thoughts.  Today as I looked at a picture...

(Tom's touch on my shoulder)

I longed for his touch of comfort as I walk (seemingly) alone on this journey.  I so desire and miss his incredible wisdom in decision making and long for his input as I struggle with life-impacting decisions.  I then found this picture...

(sorry for the size, but it's my hand on Tom's shoulder)

 The power of touch.  As I sat in church Sunday (crying my way through tender words in song) Ginny leans over and wraps her arm around me...she'll never know the impact that had.

"What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes,

what we have looked at and touched with our hands,

concerning the Word of Life— and the life was manifested,

and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life,

which was with the Father and was manifested to us—

what we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also,

so that you too may have fellowship with us;

and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ."

I John 1:1-3

My life has been such a focus of "wife" over the past couple of years caring for Tom in such amazing ways that I started to lose sight of the "mom" I am to three amazing children.  My focus became skewed in looking at what I've lost in Tom and being a wife that I'm embarrassed to say that I wanted to "give up" in a way, not fight as hard, let the kids move on without the hurt of sick parents...then I read this:
"So God made a mother.
It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does.
Somebody who knew that patience is a willingness to suffer.
That joy is always possible because there is always, always something to be thankful for.
And that life is not an emergency but a gift — so just. slow. down.
Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters is what we then do after.
Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins."

-Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

I'm fighting, I'm willing to suffer, I've slowed down (I stayed in bed until 11:00 a.m. today!), I'm laying down my life, picking up my cross because of Jesus, Sarah, Zac & Matt...I love you!

Surprise Gift of Goodies for my last Chemo Treatment

Thank You, Jennifer Deskins!

Thursdays Dinner

Tortellini Soup, Tortilla Wraps, Fresh Fruit and

Valentine Heart Cookies!

Thank You, Beth Beatty!

I can honestly say I had no clue who was playing in the Superbowl this year until the day before the big game!  Without a husband to keep me informed I was "out of the loop"!  I am so thankful that Zac and Sarah could host their Grace Group Superbowl party here at the house while I made my way to Carylee's for our own Superbowl "party".  What friendship we share and the Superbowl had nothing to do with our enjoying our evening talking about Tom, weddings, quilts and memories...priceless.  Thank you, Carylee for hosting me along with all of Jess' friends for a Superbowl to remember...the first without Tom.

 

I will fill you in on my upcoming schedule (subject to change) since I'm not sure when I will get back to blogging this information.
Thursday, February 7th, 12:15 p.m. appointment with Oncologist (follow-up)
Thursday, February 14th, 10:00 a.m. appointment for pre-op testing & physical
Monday, February 18th, 8:05 a.m. fly to Ft. Myers, FL for 2 week visit with Mom & Dad
(Ginny Englehart is joining me for the 1st week & Carylee Meyers is my 2nd week companion!)
Tuesday, March 5, 8:30 p.m. fly home to Columbus with Carylee & Mom, coming for 2 weeks to care for me post-op!
Wednesday, March 6...mastectomy tentatively scheduled
Tomorrows appointment with the plastic surgeon will hopefully nail down the surgery date.